The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Read online

Just some baseless speculation on my part.

  “She also did a bunch of other stuff.”

  Taniguchi was in the process of finishing off the remaining bits of his lunch.

  “One morning, we showed up at the classroom to find all the desks out in the hall. She drew stars on the roof in paint. She even took a bunch of weird talismans, like the ones they stick on a corpse’s head to reanimate it, and stuck them all around school. I really don’t get her.”

  By the way, Haruhi Suzumiya wasn’t in the classroom right then. We wouldn’t have been able to have this conversation otherwise. Though I got the feeling she wouldn’t care, even if she had been there. Speaking of Haruhi Suzumiya, she made a habit of leaving the room the moment fourth period ended and not coming back until right before fifth period started. I’d never seen her bring a lunch so she probably ate in the cafeteria. Still, it can’t take an hour to eat lunch. Come to think of it, I could safely say that she was never in the room between classes. I wondered where she wandered off to.

  “Even so, she’s pretty popular…” Taniguchi was still talking. “It’s because she has the looks. Plus she’s great at sports and probably gets better grades than most. You can’t tell she’s a freak when she just stands there and keeps her mouth shut.”

  “Are there any stories about her love life?” That was Kunikida, who hadn’t eaten even half as much as Taniguchi.

  “For a while, she kept switching from one guy to another. As far as I know, the longest lasted a week, and apparently the shortest was five minutes after she agreed to go out with him. It was always Suzumiya doing the dumping, without exception. She always used the same line. ‘I don’t have time to deal with ordinary humans!’ Then don’t agree to go out in the first place!”

  Taniguchi was probably speaking from experience. I guess he noticed me looking at him since he hurriedly went on.

  “It’s just a story I heard. Really. I don’t know why, but apparently, she doesn’t turn anyone down. Everyone had it figured out by the third year so there wasn’t anybody left trying to ask her out. But I get the feeling that the same thing’s going to happen in high school. That’s why I’m warning you before you get any weird ideas. Give it up. Consider it a friendly warning from a classmate.”

  There’s nothing to give up on. I’m not even interested.

  Taniguchi placed his empty lunch box in his bag and smirked.

  “If you ask me, then yeah, that’s the best one in the class over there. Ryoko Asakura.”

  Taniguchi stuck his chin toward a cluster of chatting girls with their desks close together. In the center of the cluster with a cheerful smile on her face was Ryoko Asakura.

  “As far as I’m concerned, she’s gotta be in the top three for our year.”

  “Did you check out all the freshman girls already or something?”

  “Oh, yeah! I assigned them ranks from A to D, and I learned the full names of the ones who ranked A. You only get to live the high school life once. Might as well have fun doing it.”

  “And Asakura is an A?” Kunikida asked.

  “An A+, for sure. Once you’ve reached my level of expertise, you can tell just by looking at their face. She’s definitely a nice person too.”

  Well, even if you assume that half of Taniguchi’s opinionated rambling was a load of bull, Ryoko Asakura was, in fact, a girl who stood out in a different way from Haruhi Suzumiya.

  First off, she was a hottie. It was also really sweet how she gave you the feeling she was always smiling. Second, Taniguchi was probably correct in judging that Ryoko was a nice person. By this point, there pretty much wasn’t anybody left foolish enough to try to talk to Haruhi Suzumiya. The only human undeterred by the constant rude reception was Ryoko Asakura. She had the temperament of a class president. Third, judging by her responses in class, she seemed to be pretty smart, too. Every question directed toward her was guaranteed to be answered correctly. She was a student any teacher would love to have. Fourth, she was also popular among girls. It had only been a week since school started, and she’d already succeeded in becoming the ringleader of the girls in the class. She definitely had enough charisma to attract the masses.

  If you pit her against Haruhi Suzumiya, with her perpetually furrowed brow and incomprehensible thinking pattern, everyone’s going to take the former. Myself included, I guess. Either way, they were both way out of Taniguchi’s league.

  It was still April. At this point, Haruhi Suzumiya had yet to act up. Which meant that for me, it was a month of relaxation. It’d be almost another month before Haruhi started rampaging.

  However, I should mention that I was able to gradually observe Haruhi’s eccentric behavior during this period.

  And so, peculiarity number one.

  Her hairstyle changed every day. I noticed a sort of pattern after looking at her for a while. It basically went like this: On Monday, Haruhi would show up with her long, straight hair flowing down her back in a normal fashion. The next day, she would walk in with a ponytail, looking flawless from every angle. The way it looks so perfect on her is almost more than I can bear. But then on the next day, she would come to school with her hair tied into two pigtails. The day after that, it would be three. And on Friday, she would have four random spots tied off by ribbons. It was quite an odd sight.

  Monday = 0, Tuesday = 1, Wednesday = 2…

  In other words, she tied off another part of her hair for every day that passed. After resetting on Monday, she added one per day until Friday. I had no idea what it was supposed to signify. Based on the pattern, she’d eventually end up with six tied-off spots. I wondered what her head looked like on Sunday. I would have liked to see it.

  Peculiarity number two. Boys and girls are split up for gym class so classes 5 and 6 are combined. Girls change in odd-numbered rooms and boys move to even-numbered rooms. Once the class before gym ends, the boys grab their gym clothes and prepare to move to class 6.

  As that was happening, Haruhi Suzumiya completely ignored the fact that boys were still present in the classroom and began taking off her uniform.

  She would then toss her uniform on her desk and pick up her gym clothes with an indifferent look on her face, as though she viewed the gallery of guys on the same level as pumpkins or potatoes.

  At that point, the completely dumbstruck guys, myself included, were kicked out of the room by Ryoko Asakura.

  It seems that afterwards, Ryoko led the other girls in lecturing Haruhi, but yeah, it didn’t accomplish anything. Haruhi continued to change without giving a damn about her male audience. Which is why when the bell for the break before gym rang, the guys were obligated—per Ryoko’s orders—to immediately sprint out of the room.

  But damn, she was hot… I mean, let’s move on.

  Peculiarity number three. Haruhi would invariably be absent from the classroom during breaks. And you could count on her to be out the door carrying her bag the second school was out. At first, I thought she went straight home, but apparently not. To my amazement, she had been temporarily joining a wide range of school clubs. You’d see her dribbling around with the basketball team one day only to find her sewing a pillowcase in the handicrafts club the next day and swinging a stick on the lacrosse team the next. She even joined the baseball team, so it didn’t look like she was leaving anything out. Every sports club, without exception, fervently pursued her membership. Turning their requests down, she would arbitrarily join a different club every day. In the end, she didn’t stick with a single one of them.

  What exactly was she trying to accomplish?

  Naturally, the rumor that “there’s a strange girl in this year’s freshman class” spread like wildfire throughout school. It only took about a month before every single person involved with our school knew of Haruhi Suzumiya. By the beginning of May, it reached the point where some people still didn’t know the name of the principal, but everybody knew the name Haruhi Suzumiya.

  As all of this was going on—well, Haruhi was the only one a
ctually involved—we reached the month of May.

  I’m more willing to believe in the chance of someone discovering a plesiosaurus in Lake Biwa than in fate. But if fate does in fact affect the lives of humans from some unknown place, I’m guessing that this was when my wheel of destiny began to turn. I’m positive that someone up there had rewritten my future without my consent.

  It was the first day after the Golden Week holidays. I discovered that I had lost track of what day of the week it was as I trudged up the winding hill, dripping sweat in the scorching, abnormal May weather. What was the earth trying to do here? Did it catch yellow fever or something?

  “Yo, Kyon.”

  Someone behind me tapped me on the shoulder. It was Taniguchi.

  He had his blazer slung nonchalantly over his shoulder, necktie half-loose, and a grin plastered on his face.

  “Did you go somewhere for Golden Week?”

  “I took my sister to see our grandmother.”

  “That’s lame.”

  “What about you?”

  “Worked the whole time.”

  “How is that any better?”

  “Kyon, a high school student shouldn’t be babysitting his little sister on a merry little trip to visit grandparents. You’ve gotta act more like a high schooler.”

  Incidentally, the nickname “Kyon” belongs to me. From what I recall, one of my aunts was the first to call me that. It was a few years back when I hadn’t seen her for a while. When she saw me, she went, “Oh, Kyon. You’ve grown so big,” which was an unwelcome twist on my name. Upon hearing that, my sister thought it was hilarious and started calling me “Kyon.” Some friends who came to my house happened to overhear her calling me that, and ever since, my nickname’s been Kyon. Damn.

  “It’s an annual family tradition for us cousins to get together during Golden Week.”

  And with that indifferent response, I continued trudging up the hill. The feeling of sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant.

  Taniguchi was cheerfully going on about stuff like some cute girl he met at work and how he’d been saving up money so he had plenty to spend for a date. This could be considered some of the most boring information ever told, along with telling people about your dreams, or bragging about your pet.

  As I listened to Taniguchi describe three different date scenarios with his nonexistent companion, we finally made it to the school front gate.

  When I entered the classroom, I found that Haruhi Suzumiya was already in the seat behind mine, coolly looking out the window. Today, her hair was arranged in two buns sticking out like doorknobs, which made me think, Ah, two spots would make today Wednesday, and with that affirmation, I took my seat. That was when I probably became possessed by some demon. I can think of no other explanation. The next thing I knew, I was talking to Haruhi Suzumiya.

  “Do you change your hair every day for the aliens?”

  Haruhi turned her head towards me in a robotic motion and stared at me with her perpetually serious face. Kinda scary.

  “When did you notice?” she asked in a tone like she was talking to a rock on the side of the road.

  Come to think of it, when did I notice?

  “Hmm… just recently.”

  “I see.”

  Haruhi rested her chin on her hand, looking like she was already sick of this.

  “I think that each day of the week gives off a different image.”

  This would be the first time we actually reached a conversation.

  “Just look at the Chinese characters used for the names of the days of the week. Color-wise, Monday (Moon) would be yellow. Tuesday (Fire) is red. Wednesday (Water) is blue. Thursday (Wood) is green. Friday (Gold) would be gold. Saturday (Earth) would be light brown. Sunday (Sun) would be white.”

  I guess I can see where she’s coming from.

  “So with numbers, Monday would be zero and Sunday would be six?”

  “Yes.”

  “Monday feels more like one to me.”

  “Nobody asked for your opinion.”

  “Oh, really?”

  Haruhi continued to stare as though she found something wrong with my muttering face. This lasted long enough for me to start feeling quite uneasy.

  She asked, “Have I met you before? A long time ago?”

  “Nope,” I replied. And with homeroom teacher Okabe’s entrance, the conversation came to an end.

  That was the beginning. Nothing particularly significant, but it was indeed the catalyst.

  Besides, Haruhi was only in the classroom during class so the only time I could talk to her was right before homeroom. And I can’t deny the fact that being seated right in front of her provided the perfect position for casually striking up a conversation with her.

  In any case, a serious response from Haruhi was a surprise. “Shut up!” “Moron!” “Be quiet!” “Who cares about that?!” were the replies I was expecting. The fact that I still talked to her anyway probably means there’s something wrong with me.

  Which is why when Haruhi showed up the next day without her hair tied off in three spots according to pattern, but with her long, beautiful black hair cut instead, I was rather disturbed. Anyway, wasn’t cutting it the day after I pointed it out a bit hasty? What gives?

  Upon asking, Haruhi replied, “None of your business.”

  As usual, she merely sounded pissed without actually revealing what she was thinking. There was no way she was going to tell me why she cut her hair.

  Well, I expected as much.

  “Did you really try joining all the clubs?”

  Afterward, conversing with Haruhi in the short period before homeroom became a daily event. Not only did I have to initiate the conversation every time, I had to be careful in choosing subject matter since talking about what was on TV yesterday or the weather would elicit a “that’s dead boring” reaction from Haruhi.

  “Let me know if you find one that’s fun. It’d be useful to know.”

  “There aren’t any.”

  An immediate response.

  “There totally aren’t any at all.”

  After repeating herself, Haruhi exhaled like butterfly wings fluttering. Was that supposed to be a sigh?

  “I was expecting something better after entering high school, but this is no different than back in grammar and middle school. Maybe I chose the wrong place.”

  “What criteria did you use to choose a school?”

  “The athletic and arts clubs are all so normal. With so many clubs, you’d think there’d be at least one weird one.”

  “How exactly do you decide if it’s normal or weird?”

  “Any club I like is weird. Everything else is totally normal. Isn’t that obvious?”

  “Really? Obvious, is it? First I’ve heard about it.”

  “Hmph.”

  She looked away, and the day’s conversation came to an end.

  Another day came.

  “I heard this rumor.”

  “Probably something worthless, right?”

  “Is it true that you’ve dumped every guy you went out with?”

  “What gives you the right to ask me that?”

  Haruhi brushed her hair off her shoulder and glared at me with her dark black eyes. Man, the only time her face showed any emotion was when she was pissed off.

  “You heard that from Taniguchi? I can’t believe I’m still in the same class with him in high school. Maybe he’s a stalker.”

  “I doubt it.” I think.

  “I don’t know what you’ve heard, but fine. It’s probably all true.”

  “There seriously wasn’t a single guy you wanted to go out with?”

  “Totally not.”

  It appeared she had a habit of using the word “totally.”

  “Every single one of them was ridiculously lame. Meet in front of the station on Sunday and do something obvious like watch a movie, go to the amusement park, or watch a sporting event. Then have lunch at a fast food place. Wander around an
d get a drink. Bye, see you tomorrow. What, that’s it?”

  I was wondering what she found wrong with that, but I kept my mouth shut. If Haruhi thinks there’s a problem, then by all means, a problem there must be.

  “And what’s up with most of them asking me out over the phone? Important matters like that should be done in person!”

  As I channeled the psyche of a guy who probably found it hard to make such an important—at least for him—confession while being glared at like an insect, I decided to play along for now.

  “Well, I guess so. I’d probably just ask her in person.”

  “That’s not important!”

  Make up your mind.

  “The problem is that every man on this planet is worthless. Honestly, I was irritated for most of middle school.”

  You still are.

  “Then what kind of a guy did you want? I’m guessing an alien?”

  “An alien. Or something along those lines. In any case, as long as they aren’t an ordinary human, it doesn’t matter if they’re male or female.”

  “Why are you so particular about non-humans?” As soon as I asked, Haruhi looked at me like I was retarded.

  “Isn’t that more fun?!”

  I suppose… she might be right.

  I won’t argue with Haruhi’s opinion. I wouldn’t mind if a mysterious, beautiful transfer student was actually half-alien, half-human. And if that moron Taniguchi, sitting nearby trying to spy on Haruhi and me, had actually been an investigator from the future, that would have been pretty cool. And if Ryoko Asakura, who was smiling in my direction for some reason, had actually been an esper, life at school would have been a bit more fun.

  But it’s all impossible. Aliens, time travelers, and espers couldn’t possibly exist. Even if they did, they wouldn’t just pop up in front of us. Besides, there’s no way someone would walk up to me and say, “Hey. Guess what? I’m actually an alien,” by way of introduction for no reason at all.

  “And that’s why!” Haruhi yelled out, knocking her chair down in the process. Everyone in the class turned around.

  “And that’s why I’m working so hard!”