The Wavering of Haruhi Suzumiya Read online

  As I rather desolately tried to guess, she suddenly sighed to herself.

  “Isn’t it time yet…?”

  She checked her watch.

  “It should happen any moment now… but…”

  She didn’t seem to realize she’d spoken as she let out another sigh again, then looked around.

  I pretended not to notice and concentrated on walking.

  Great. Any idea that this had been a date now seemed like a distant memory. I’d hoped for a more relaxed, romantic stroll, but clearly it was not meant to be. I guess that’s life.

  We didn’t see so much as a leaf, to say nothing of an actual flower petal, and soon the desolate cherry trees were behind us.

  Asahina was heading upstream. If we kept going, we’d reach another memorable place—Nagato’s apartment. If we continued even farther, we’d wind up going all the way back to North High.

  Thanks to all the walking, my body was warming up—apparently not all of the warmth was coming from the girl next to me.

  Eventually we descended down off the riverbank and made for the train tracks. We walked along the private rail line; I’d once walked this way with Haruhi too.

  With all the memories surfacing in my mind, even I started to feel a little uneasy.

  “Kyon, this way.”

  “Huh?”

  If Asahina hadn’t tugged on my sleeve, I would have just kept going.

  “We need to cross the street.”

  We were at the intersection of the tracks and the street. Asahina was pointing to the pedestrian crossing signal for the prefectural road, which flashed a red DON’T WALK message.

  “Oh, sorry.”

  I apologized and lined myself up next to her. Though the street was quiet and free from cars, it was very Asahina-like of her to insist on waiting anyway.

  We didn’t have to wait more than ten seconds. The traffic light flicked from green to yellow, then soon lit up red, and in exchange, the pedestrian signal turned green.

  I took my first step almost simultaneously with Asahina.

  And then—

  A little shadow rushed past me from behind.

  “Ah—”

  It was Asahina who cried out in a small voice.

  The shadow ran past me and through the crosswalk, toward the other side. It was an elementary school boy, about the same age as my sister, maybe fourth or fifth grade. He wore glasses and had an intelligent look about him.

  “Aah!”

  It was Asahina again who shouted, and the shout reached my ears along with a terrible noise that made my eyes snap wide open.

  A car was speeding toward the crossing, its tires squealing. The traffic signal was red. Nevertheless, the car—a moss-green minivan—was heading toward the crosswalk with no sign of deceleration.

  Then—

  The kid who had sprinted into the street realized he was in danger and froze.

  The car was closing in. The driver had about as much respect for the speed limit as he or she had for the red light. A premonition of the kid flying through the air flashed through my mind, and before I realized what was happening, my body was in motion.

  “You stupid son of a—”

  I didn’t know whether I was yelling at the car or the kid, but I ran. It felt like everything was in slow motion. I’m sure from a third-person perspective it all happened in an instant.

  “Whoa—!”

  I made it. I grabbed the glasses-wearing kid by the collar and pushed him back with all my strength, the force of which carried me to safety as well.

  The speeding car disappeared almost instantly.

  I was covered in sweat.

  It had been close. The van’s tires had passed by my toes with millimeters to spare. A step later, and everything from my ankles down would’ve been as flat as a worn-out shoe.

  “That crazy bastard!”

  I didn’t know who’d been driving, but blood rushed to my head as I raged at the escaping car.

  “What the hell kind of driving was that? Speeding through a red light? Is he trying to get somebody killed? Asahina, did you get his plates?”

  I’d missed them, having been busy tumbling over with the boy. Hoping her vision had been good, I looked up to her—

  “So this was it…”

  What?

  Asahina stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide. That wasn’t what surprised me, though—it was hardly surprising that she’d be stunned after witnessing such a close call.

  No, what surprised me was that the expression on Asahina’s face wasn’t merely one of shock.

  “So that’s why… I see. That’s why I was called here…”

  Asahina murmured to herself, looking at the boy who’d very nearly been hit.

  The expression of surprise on her beautiful face was mixed with a strange understanding.

  Without the slightest idea of what was going on, I kept my rear glued to the ground until eventually Asahina stiffly came over to us, her face pale. Unfortunately, she was not heading toward me, but rather to the boy, who was also sitting on the ground.

  The boy’s face was also sheet-white, probably from the shock of the near miss. His eyes blinked rapidly at Asahina.

  “Are you all right?”

  She knelt down on the asphalt, placing her hands on the boy’s shoulders. He nodded rapidly.

  “Can you tell me your name?”

  I had no idea why she needed to know his name, but the boy answered her.

  I’d never heard the name before. But Asahina had, it seemed.

  The instant she heard his name, she seemed to stop breathing. Doing a great impression of Nagato, she unblinkingly looked the boy in the eye for a long moment, then finally took a deep breath and spoke.

  “I see… so you’re…”

  The boy’s mouth hung open. Having escaped death by runaway minivan, now a beautiful girl was staring him in the eye and asking his name. It was enough to stun anyone. I knew how the poor kid felt.

  But Asahina was serious.

  “Listen, you have to promise me.”

  Her face was tight, in a way I’d never seen in the clubroom.

  “From now on… you have to look out for cars, okay? When you’re crossing the street or getting in a vehicle, or even on an airplane or a train, you have to be careful. Boats, too. So you don’t get hurt or run over, or fall or sink. Always be careful, okay? I want you to promise me.”

  The boy was shocked. I know I was. There was no need to say all that stuff. It just seemed like it was going overboard.

  “Please…”

  Asahina’s moist-eyed entreaty was enough to make even me want to shout, “Yes, ma’am!” And just as I was about to—

  “Okay.”

  The boy nodded. Even if he didn’t understand why, he seemed to see that it was important to her. He looked at her closely.

  “I’ll be careful.”

  He spoke flatly, then ducked his head, bobbing like a roly-poly toy whose balance has been disturbed.

  Asahina didn’t seem satisfied by that, and she extended the pinky of one hand.

  “Let’s make a pinky promise, then.”

  Watching the boy tentatively link pinkies with Asahina caused a twinge in the corners of my chest. I believe it was what you call “jealousy.” Selfishly, I wanted her to do that only with me. But, hell, he was just a kid, and I wasn’t so immature as to fake falling over just to get in their way—but neither was I enough of an adult not to feel some relief when she finally stood up. I don’t know if that was a good thing or not.

  As an alternative, I looked up at the signal.

  “Asahina, the light’s about to change. We should get out of the road.”

  The crosswalk signal had started to flash.

  “Oh, yes.”

  Asahina finally stood, but she continued to gaze at the boy, who was smart enough to finally notice this. He bowed.

  “Thank you very much for saving me. I’ll be careful from now on.”

  He then
added a bow to his words.

  “Excuse me, and ’bye!”

  He bowed again, then scampered off across the road at full speed.

  Asahina didn’t move. She watched the boy as though he were a precious gem, as he ran off into the distance with the peculiar quickness of a child.

  I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Asahina, the light’s red. C’mon—”

  I pulled the winter-clothed beauty out of the street and back onto the walking path. Her complacent body was as relaxed as Shamisen’s when he randomly decided to curl up in my bed. I knew she would be very soft if I decided to hug her—not that I did, of course.

  Just as the light turned red—

  “Ooh…”

  I heard a sob come from diagonally behind me. It was coming from Asahina, and it was muffled—she had shoved her face into my arm.

  Huh? I thought.

  Asahina buried her face even deeper, and her shoulders were shaking. It didn’t seem likely that she was laughing.

  She continued to sob.

  Transparent liquid dripped from her eyes onto my clothing, soaking into it. She clung to me like a child as her tears overflowed.

  “Wh-what is it? Asahina, um, are you—”

  I’d been in a few impossible situations in the past, but this was on an entirely different level. Why was she crying? We’d saved the boy, hadn’t we? Nobody had died—shouldn’t she be happy instead of sad? Was it just a reaction to the shock of the sudden danger?

  “No, that’s not it.”

  Asahina answered through her sniffling.

  “… I’m so pathetic. I don’t understand anything… I can’t do anything.”

  Well, now I didn’t understand anything.

  But she just kept crying, apparently having lost all will to articulate coherent thoughts. Like the way Shamisen clawed onto me when I picked him up, she grabbed onto my clothes with both hands, burying her face in my sleeve.

  What was going on here?

  My mind whirled with questions, but only one answer was forthcoming.

  The day’s events were over. The pseudo-date she’d invited me out on, the mysterious walk we’d taken—it was all over now.

  I didn’t have to be Koizumi to deduce that much.

  I couldn’t very well stand there beneath the freezing sky all day while a distressed upperclassman clung to me.

  There were eyes on the walking path, and several people stared at the strange couple as they passed, wondering what the two could possibly be doing on a cold day like this.

  “Asahina, maybe we should go somewhere to sit down. Um… can you walk?”

  Her face still pressed against my upper arm, but I saw her chestnut hair nod.

  I slowly started to walk, matching my stride to Asahina’s unsteady steps. Accompanied by the sniffling, clinging girl, progress was slow—it was both what I’d wished for and not. The one thing I hoped for now was that no boys from our school saw us. If they did, the probability that I’d be targeted by the Mikuru Asahina followers would spike.

  “Where shall we go?”

  We needed someplace where we could rest out of sight. A respite from the cold would be nice too. My first thought was a café, but sitting across from a sobbing lass in a café didn’t sound particularly comfortable.

  A while ago, I’d noticed one building that was in the direction we were heading—it was Nagato’s swanky apartment. I was sure she’d let us in if we asked, but something told me that wasn’t a great idea.

  So there was only once place left—we were getting close to the mecca for weirdos that was in Nagato’s neighborhood, that place where so many of my memories lay sealed away—yes, the park. We’d already passed the bench by the river, so it only made sense to try the other spot where so much had happened.

  At least we would be able to sit down. And who knew, maybe somebody would pop out from the bushes behind us.

  It seemed that people willing to visit the park in this freezing weather were in the minority. The bench I’d been thinking of was unoccupied and exposed to the wind, as though we’d obtained reserved tickets for it ahead of time.

  I sat Asahina down, then sat down next to her at a slight remove. Glancing at her profile, I saw her looking down, a few tears still clinging to her cheeks.

  Searching my pockets for a handkerchief, all I felt was the fabric of my clothes. Damn, of all the days to forget it! Just as I was despairing of finding any other cloth to wipe her tears with and considering ripping off my own sleeve—

  Whump.

  I felt a soft pressure on my shoulder and looked to see that it was Asahina’s forehead. It looked like she was going to continue her crying jag there. My shoulder was suddenly itchy. It was like when someone puts their finger close to the spot between your eyes—your skin gets the wrong idea. Something like that. Of course, I was actually being touched, so I must have been pretty worn-out.

  “Want me to get you a cup of coffee?”

  I thought it was a fine idea, but the head of chestnut hair shook in the negative.

  “What about some oolong tea?”

  Again the forehead pressed to my shoulder shook left to right, a bit peevishly.

  I tried to picture the menu from the nearby vending machine.

  “What about—”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Her weak voice finally reached my ears. With her face still against my shoulder, I couldn’t see her expression. But I didn’t need to. She only apologized when she was really, genuinely sorry.

  I decided not to say anything, and I waited for her to continue.

  “The reason I asked you along was to save that boy. I didn’t know before, but now I do. That was it. That was all.”

  By all means, continue.

  “I… I asked you out on the orders of my superiors. The places we went, the paths we took, the timing—it was all on their orders, so we would be able to save that boy… That was my duty.”

  Her superiors, huh? Asahina the Elder’s smile flashed through my mind.

  “Can I just ask something? Why don’t those so-called superiors of yours give you a little more detail? Like just go to a certain intersection and protect so-and-so at a certain time.”

  “Um… I wish they would tell me too. But it’s no good. They won’t tell me anything. I’m sure it’s because I’m not good enough. All I can do is follow orders. Just like today—”

  I thought again of the elder Asahina and that smile of hers.

  “I’m sure that’s not true…”

  In response to my assurance, her chestnut hair gave the biggest shake of the day so far.

  “No, it is! They’d never give me such an important mission without any details otherwise! Why… it’s just…”

  Her crying came back in full force. I had to change the subject.

  “Who was that kid, anyway?”

  Asahina sniffled for a while before answering.

  “… He is a very important person for us in the future. He’s the reason we’re able to be in this time period. He must continue to exist…”

  Her voice got quieter and quieter.

  “… I can’t say more… I’m sorry…”

  In other words, that kid—whoever he was—could not be allowed to die. In order to prevent his accident, Asahina was directed to bring me to this place.

  If I’d been a second slower in catching the glasses-wearing brat, he would’ve been hit head-on by that speeding minivan. I don’t know what would’ve happened to him after that, but it probably would’ve been the worst possible outcome. Short of a miracle, he would’ve said sayonara to his world.

  “Hmm?”

  Wait a second—which history was the right one? I’d saved the boy. That was reality now. So what about the future? Did the future Asahina come from the one where the boy had been hit? And to avoid that, Asahina had used me to save him—

  No, that didn’t make sense either.

  My saving him meant that the kid narrowly avoiding his acc
ident was now historical fact. So that had to hold true for the future too. Otherwise, it meant that Asahina’s future was discontinuous from the present. So in that case, from the perspective of the future, the kid hadn’t had an accident, so why bother going all the way back to the past to prevent it—but unless they did so, he would have an accident…

  “Ouch.”

  My head hurt.

  Something was wrong. Whenever I tried to think about hard stuff like this, I felt like smoke was pouring from my ears.

  “I don’t understand.”

  I spoke the truth.

  “I don’t see which one is the correct reality—the kid having the accident or surviving it?”

  Shaking her head hesitantly, Asahina spoke in a voice like a droplet of water.

  “We are not the only ones who have come from the future. There are others who do not wish for our future to exist. So…”

  The moss-green minivan. The insane driver.

  “Do you mean…”

  My memories all screamed the same thing at me.

  Ryoko Asakura, for one. She was from a different faction within the Data Overmind.

  There was another organization besides Koizumi’s “Agency.” I remembered him jokingly saying something about a secret struggle taking place.

  And there was another, much more recent memory. The creator of that house we’d encountered in the mountains. It had been a mysterious dimension that even Nagato couldn’t analyze. “An enemy of the SOS Brigade,” Koizumi had called it.

  Which one of those had done this? Our enemy. I didn’t like that word.

  They had tried to erase a boy who had originally needed to live. Which meant that his existence was a problem for them.

  Others, who do not wish for our future to exist—

  Who were they? I asked.

  “That’s…”

  Asahina’s lip trembled. She tried to speak, but her face soon showed her surrender.

  “… I can’t tell you now. Not… not yet.”

  She was shifting back to crying mode.

  “That’s what’s so pathetic. Really. I can’t do anything. I can’t even help you understand.”