The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya Page 2

  I looked away, but not because he had hit the nail on the head. I hadn’t realized that I’d changed, so I wasn’t particularly upset about his statement. But I was surprised that he had also noticed Nagato’s gradual transformation. The sham of a baseball game, a Tanabata festival that spanned three years, the cave cricket extermination, the murder show on a remote island, a looping summer vacation…. As we went through activity after activity, Nagato’s reserved manner and gestures certainly showed signs of change, while minute, from her behavior during our chance encounter in the literary club room when this all began. I wasn’t just hallucinating. My eyes are at least as sharp as a homemade telescope. In retrospect, she was already acting odd when we were on the remote island. Also when we went to the public pool and Bon Dance. Even more so when she was pretending to be a magician during the film shoot and taking on the computer society in that computer game. But…

  That’s a good thing. Haruhi aside, I’d consider this revelation to be far more momentous.

  “Organizing a Christmas party would be a small price to pay,” said Koizumi, with a smile on his face, “for the sake of keeping our world stable. And if it turns out to be an enjoyable experience, I won’t have a single complaint.”

  I was starting to feel a little ticked off about how I couldn’t contradict him.

  “It’s okay now!”

  The clubroom door suddenly flew open, and since I had been leaning against said door, which swung inward, I naturally ended up flat on my back.

  “Eek!?”

  That voice didn’t belong to Haruhi or me. It was Asahina. And it came from directly above me. And since I was sprawled on the floor, I had no choice but to look up at the ceiling, only I saw something else instead.

  “Hey, Kyon! No peeping!”

  That was Haruhi yelling.

  “Wah, whoa!”

  That was probably Asahina panicking as she hopped backward. I swear to the gods that I saw nothing but leg.

  “Are you going to lie there forever!? Get up!”

  Haruhi grabbed my collar as I finally stood up.

  “You’re such a perv, Kyon! Come back in 200,005,600 years if you want to sneak a peek at Mikuru’s underwear! I bet you did that on purpose. You did it on purpose, right?”

  It was your fault for opening the door before you even finished warning us. This was an accident. It was an accident, Asahina, I was about to say, when something caught my eye. Anybody want to ask what that something was?

  “Wah…”

  What else but Asahina standing there with scarlet cheeks.

  Red clothing lined in white, topped off by a red hat with a white pom-pom… was all Asahina had on as she gripped her short skirt with both hands and gazed at me with eyes that were teared up from embarrassment.

  She made for an utterly perfect Santa without a single flaw. The true identity of this Mikuru Asahina must be that of the granddaughter who’s taken over the family business from a senile old Santa Claus.

  I’m willing to bet that eight out of ten people would believe that story. My little sister would certainly fall for it.

  “Extremely lovely.”

  Koizumi offered his impression.

  “Forgive my use of a cliché, as I couldn’t come up with anything better. Yes, it’s very becoming. Yes, indeed.”

  “Right?”

  Haruhi draped her arm around Asahina’s shoulder and rubbed her cheek against the flabbergasted Santa girl.

  “You’re so cute! Mikuru, you should be more confident in yourself. From now until the Christmas party, you’ll be the SOS Brigade’s very own Santa Claus. You’re qualified to hold that position!”

  “Eep.”

  Asahina released a pitiful squeal. Still, Haruhi was actually right for once. Nobody would argue that point, I thought, as I turned to look at Nagato. The petite, short-haired, reticent girl was still reading in silence.

  With a Santa hat on her head.

  After that, Haruhi had us all line up so she could address us.

  “Okay? This time of year, you can’t go running after a Santa when you spot one in the middle of town. They’re all fakes. The real one only appears at specific locations. Mikuru, you should be especially careful. Don’t accept any gifts from strange Santas or agree to anything they ask.”

  You shouldn’t be saying that after you forced Asahina to become a fake Santa.

  Don’t tell me that someone her age still believes, the way my little sister does, in an old man who volunteers internationally. I suppose it’s possible, when she still wishes on falling stars, but I had my doubts. After all, Saint Asahina was blessing us with her presence in the clubroom. Here we had a fake that transcended the original. What’s wrong with that? Ask for any more and complaints will come flying in from Scandinavia.

  I considered where you might find a shady source of capital for a lazy old man who worked only once a year.

  “So, Kyon. We’re going to have a full-blown Christmas party and all, but since I just came up with the idea so late, we can only celebrate the birthday of Christ this year. Next year we’ll have to hold birthday parties for Buddha and Muhammad as well, or it wouldn’t be fair.”

  Why don’t you celebrate the birthdays of the founders of Manichaeism and Zoroastrianism while you’re at it? They can only laugh bitterly from their perch above the clouds as a bunch of nonbelievers celebrate their birthdays. And since Haruhi will celebrate anything if it gives her an excuse to go crazy, it evens out in the end. Please limit any potential divine judgment to Haruhi. I barely have anything to do with this farce.

  As I tried to figure out which god I should direct my plea to, Haruhi sat down in the brigade chief’s seat.

  “What would you like? A hot pot? Sukiyaki? No crab. I can’t stand that stuff. I get all worked up when I have to pry the meat from the shell. Why aren’t crab shells edible? I’m tempted to say that there was a mistake in the evolutionary process.”

  That’s exactly why they have shells. They didn’t go through natural selection on the bottom of the ocean for you to eat them.

  Koizumi raised his hand before speaking.

  “We’ll need to place a reservation then. The Christmas season is fast approaching, so we must hurry before all the restaurants are booked full.”

  I really don’t want to go to any place he recommends. We’d be taking the risk of some bizarre restaurant owner character showing up in the middle of dinner to set off another messed-up murder comedy, which actually happened the last time Koizumi suggested an outing together.

  “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” Koizumi said.

  Haruhi shook her head with a smile. Maybe she was thinking the same thing I was. But she continued.

  “We’ll hold it here. We already have everything necessary. Just need food. Right, we should bring a rice cooker. And no alcohol allowed. I swore to never drink again.”

  I can think of some better things for you to swear off, but I believe you just said something that needs to be addressed first.

  “Hold it here?” I asked as I looked around the clubroom.

  Sure, the room was equipped with a pot and a portable gas stove. And we even had a fridge enshrined. The above items had been brought in by Haruhi from God knows where when the SOS Brigade was first formed. Don’t tell me that she’d been preparing for this event. In any case, the stove has proven useful when Asahina’s making her special tea, though I have to wonder if we’re even allowed to cook on school grounds, especially when we’re in the ancient clubhouse. The answer would obviously be no. Fire is banned in the building.

  “Sure.”

  Haruhi paid no heed as she smiled like a grade-schooler who had no certification but cooked like a pro.

  “It’s more fun to do these things in secret. If any student council members or teachers barge in, I’ll treat them to some of my fabulous hot pot. They’ll be so overwhelmed by the magnificent taste that they’ll tearfully accept the SOS Brigade! That’s how it’ll go down. To the
letter. It’s perfect!”

  Haruhi is ordinarily loath to engage in any activity that requires effort, but once she’s set her mind to doing something, she’ll do an extraordinary job of it. Her cooking is probably as good as she says. But a hot pot? When was that decided? From our conversation, her only concern was that we skip the crab. So she pretended to ask for our opinions while deciding everything herself—well, nothing new about that. No point in worrying about it…

  That all happened yesterday. I finished giving Taniguchi an abridged rundown of those events as we arrived at our high school.

  “A Christmas party, huh?”

  Taniguchi passed through the school gate with a half-smile on his face.

  “Sounds like something Suzumiya would do. A hot-pot party in the clubroom, eh? Well, you’d better not let the teachers find you. That’ll be a pain.”

  “Why don’t you join us?”

  I had already told him that we were holding a party, so I gave him an invitation. Haruhi shouldn’t have any problem with Taniguchi. He, Kunikida, and Tsuruya make up the trio who fill in when we need some more people.

  However, Taniguchi shook his head.

  “Nah. Sorry, man. I don’t have time to chow down on some lame hot pot that day.”

  What’s with the creepy laugh?

  “Now, look here. Only losers who aren’t popular gather together on Christmas Eve for a hot pot. I’m sorry to say that I’m no longer one of those men.”

  Get outta here.

  “Right on. I’ve got a red heart-mark on the twenty-fourth in my planner. Sorry. I feel for you, man. Really, I mean it.”

  What the hell. While I was busy playing along with the wacky antics of Haruhi and the SOS Brigade, stupid Taniguchi managed to land himself a girlfriend.

  “Who is it?” I asked, trying my best to not sound jealous.

  “A first-year from Kouyouen. A safe bet, right?”

  Kouyouen Academy. The all-girls school in front of the station at the bottom of the hill. It was built at the starting point of our long and painful climb, so I would see girls in black blazers parading by every morning. The place was famous for its rich high-society girls, but I was more envious of how they didn’t have to trudge up this killer slope. I mean, I wasn’t envious of Taniguchi at all.

  “What’s your beef? You’ve got Suzumiya, yeah? A hot pot… She’ll be doing the cooking? Though I’m not sure you can call a hot pot cooking, but it’ll still fill you up. I’d love to be in your shoes, Kyon.”

  Jerk. He brought up Christmas Eve because he wanted to brag?

  “Well, I need to plan out where we’ll be going. Tough decisions to make.”

  I was dumbfounded. And speechless.

  Nothing significant happened after school that day. Koizumi and I were forced to put up the new decorations that Haruhi had brought to the clubroom while she stood and pointed. Asahina was the tea-serving mascot in a Santa outfit. Nagato was silently reading a hardcover with a Santa hat on her head again.

  That was it for the day. We didn’t decide on the contents of the hot pot. The only apparent decision was that I would be the one to go out and buy everything needed. What kind of hot pot are we going with? I’m really hoping that she doesn’t choose something suspect like a potluck…

  Well, that was a little long for a prologue. However, everything so far has only been a prologue. The real story begins now, starting with the next day. Though it may have begun tonight. Not that it really matters.

  The next day would be December eighteenth, a day cold enough to freeze the wind. The day I was thrown into the abyss known as fear.

  Let me make this clear now.

  It definitely wasn’t a laughing matter.

  CHAPTER 1

  The next morning I was awoken by the usual combination of my sister ripping off my bedcovers while the calico wormed into my blanket. My little sister, the assassin who dutifully carries out our mother’s command every morning.

  “Mom said that you should eat breakfast.”

  My sister smiled cheerfully as she lifted the stretching cat off of my bed and rubbed her nose against the back of its ears.

  “Shami’s breakfast is also ready.”

  Shamisen, left in our care after the cultural festival, yawned sleepily as he licked his front paw. The male calico who could formerly talk had lost his voice and established himself as a beloved pet in our household. His transformation into a perfectly ordinary cat made me wonder if I had been hallucinating when I heard him speak in human. He may have also forgotten how to speak in cat, since he barely ever made a sound, which was fine by me. For some unknown reason, Shamisen was sleeping in my room, allowing me to be rudely awoken by the frequent visits from my little sister to play with him.

  “Shami, Shami. Time to eat.”

  My sister sang out of tune as she struggled to carry the cat out of the room. I was getting goose bumps from the frigid morning air as I looked blankly at the time on the clock, but I eventually shook off the desire to linger in my warm bed, and sat up.

  Once I finished changing and washed my face, I headed downstairs to the dining room, gobbled down breakfast in five minutes, and exited through the door two steps in front of my sister. It was another bitterly cold day.

  Everything had been normal up until this point.

  I was climbing up the hill as always when I spotted the back of a familiar-looking head. The figure walking ten meters or so ahead of me was definitely Taniguchi. He normally seemed so energetic as he practically bounced up the hill, but he was unusually slow today. I caught up to him in no time.

  “Yo, Taniguchi.”

  I figured that I should also get to slap him on the shoulder on occasion, so I did just that.

  “… Meh. Kyon, huh?”

  Taniguchi’s voice was muffled, which was to be expected, since he was wearing a white flu mask.

  “What’s wrong? Did you catch a cold?”

  “Ah…?” Taniguchi replied sluggishly. “As you can see, I have a cold. I wanted to stay home today, but my dad was being a pain.”

  You were perfectly fine yesterday. This cold came out of the blue.

  “What are you talking about? I was feeling pretty crappy yesterday. Cough.”

  I was completely thrown off by the peculiar sight of a subdued Taniguchi as he coughed up a lung. But wait, he was already feeling sick yesterday? I recalled him being his usual conceited self.

  “Hmm… really? It sure didn’t seem that way to me.”

  I smirked maliciously at Taniguchi as he cocked his head.

  “You sounded so happy as you went on about your plans for Christmas Eve. Well, you’d better recover in time for your date. Opportunities like this one are probably hard to come by.”

  However, Taniguchi merely cocked his head a little further.

  “A date? What are you talking about? I don’t have any plans for Christmas Eve.” Taniguchi coughed.

  And what are you talking about? What happened to your little girlfriend from Kouyouen? Did you get dumped last night?

  “Hey, Kyon. Seriously, what are you on? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  Taniguchi shut his mouth peevishly and returned his head to a forward direction. I guess he’s been hit really hard by the cold symptoms, since he doesn’t seem to be faking his infirmity. And judging from his reaction, I probably guessed right when I suggested that his date had fallen apart. No wonder he’s all worn out. It must hurt to look at my face after all the bragging he did. I see how it is.

  “Don’t get too down on yourself.”

  I patted Taniguchi on the back.

  “You up for the hot-pot spectacular? It isn’t too late to join in.”

  “What hot pot? Where is this alleged event going to be held? I haven’t heard anything about it…”

  Oh, really. I can see that the shock means he won’t be hearing anything I say for the time being. I’ll just back off in that case. Everything will be solved in the course of boundless and p
erpetual time. I won’t say another word about it.

  I joined the plodding Taniguchi in climbing slowly up the hill.

  It would have been impossible to notice at this point.

  I was surprised to find that the cold had spread through class 1-5 while I wasn’t paying attention. I barely made it inside the classroom before the bell rang, yet there were plenty of empty seats, and a fifth of the present students were sporting flu masks. I’m guessing that incubation periods had been synchronized to the point where symptoms showed up for everyone at the same time.

  But the real surprise came when first period began and the seat directly behind me was still empty.

  “Well, how about that?”

  Even Haruhi’s sick? Do we have a really nasty cold going around this year? I find it hard to believe that there are pathogens brave enough to invade her body or that Haruhi would lose to bacteria or viruses. I’d be more inclined to believe that she was busy at work on some new crackpot scheme she’d hatched up. Does she have something besides the hot pot in mind?

  In any case, the frigid air in the classroom wasn’t because of a lack of heating. I didn’t expect there to be a sudden epidemic of absent classmates. It almost felt as though there’d been a drop in the population of class 1-5.

  The absence of Haruhi breathing down my neck may have been a factor, but the classroom somehow felt like a different place.

  And after rambling through class, it was time for lunch.

  I pulled the cold lunch box out of my bag, and Kunikida walked over with lunch in hand to sit down in the seat behind me.

  “Doesn’t look like she’s here today. It’s okay for me to sit here, right?” he said as he unwrapped the napkin around his Tupperware. I’ve grown half-accustomed to eating lunch with this guy after ending up in the same class for high school. I looked around for our other lunch buddy, Taniguchi, to find that he wasn’t in the classroom. I guess he went to the cafeteria or something.

  I turned my chair to the side.

  “Looks like a cold epidemic came out of nowhere. Hope I don’t catch it.”

  “Hmm?”

  Kunikida turned to me with a quizzical look on his face as he methodically set the container on the spread-out napkin and scrutinized its contents. He was snapping his chopsticks together like crab pincers.