The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya Page 13

  She was about to commit that very act.

  I couldn’t jump out yet. Nagato had advised us to watch everything happen. We had to let her change the world before we could fire the repair program. The reasoning was that my activation of the escape program would be erased from history otherwise, which really didn’t make any sense at all, but Nagato and Asahina (Big) seemed pretty sure of themselves. Those two probably know what they’re talking about when it comes to the flow of time. I sure don’t. I have no chance of understanding, so I should simply follow the instructions of people who do. Nagato wouldn’t lie to me. She always stood on our side with a serious look on her face…

  I clenched the needle gun Nagato had given me and waited for time to pass.

  She walked quietly toward the North High entrance before coming to a stop as she looked up at the cheap building, shrouded in darkness.

  Her sailor uniform skirt was fluttering in the wind.

  She hadn’t noticed us watching. Probably thanks to the nanomachines Nagato had injected into us. The screen-and-protective-shield thing.

  She suddenly raised one arm, as though she were trying to grab the air. A rather unnatural motion that made me wonder if someone else was controlling her, but I already knew that wasn’t the case.

  “Amazing…” Asahina murmured in admiration. “It’s a powerful timequake. I never would have imagined that she had so much power… It’s hard to believe, even as I’m witnessing it happen.”

  Witness it happen? I haven’t seen a single thing change. It was still nighttime. But Asahina (Big) was somehow able to sense the history of this world being altered. I mean, she is from the future. She should know a trick or two.

  Asahina (Big) was leaning against me. Originally we would have been caught up in the transformation to the world, but Nagato’s bite had solved that problem. Nagato and Asahina (Big). I couldn’t do anything without the two of them. I made the right move. My next move should resolve the current mess. Can’t afford to screw up this last bit.

  I held my breath and watched as she lowered her arm and abruptly turned in our direction. For a second I thought that she had noticed us hiding here, but she was apparently just looking around.

  “Don’t worry. We haven’t been discovered. She was just reborn. The timequake… alteration to the world has ended. Kyon, it’s our turn now.”

  Asahina (Big)’s firm and serious tone served as a signal.

  I moved out of the darkness and headed for the school gate. No need to rush, since she wasn’t going to run away. As expected, she didn’t budge from her spot before the school gate upon noticing me stepping into the light. Only her expression changed. The look of surprise left me feeling somewhat melancholy.

  “Yo.”

  I walked over as though I had just run into an old friend.

  “It’s me. We meet again.”

  I’d more or less figured it out from the tone of Asahina (Big)’s voice. Who besides Haruhi out of the people I knew could be capable of such a thing? Just think. After the eighteenth the members of the SOS Brigade all lost their secret identities. However, their personalities didn’t change. Only one person acted and behaved differently from before.

  The small figure wearing a North High uniform stood in the darkness. That person was glancing around, wondering why she was here, like a sleepwalker who had just woken up—

  “Nagato.”

  I opened my mouth.

  “So it was you.”

  She was wearing glasses. This was the other Nagato. The Yuki Nagato after the eighteenth, who was nothing more than the sole member of the literary club. No longer an alien. Just a shy bookworm.

  The spectacled Nagato looked at me in surprise, like she didn’t understand what was going on.

  “… Why are you here?” she asked.

  “What about you? Do you know why you’re here?”

  “… A walk.”

  Nagato spoke in a subdued voice. The girl’s eyes widened as she looked at me, and her glasses were reflecting the streetlight’s glare. That was when I thought.

  No. That’s not it, Nagato.

  She’d been tired. After enduring Haruhi’s sporadic ideas, protecting me from harm, engaging in secret activities the rest of us didn’t know about—she’d built up a lot of fatigue after everything she’d been through.

  The Nagato from three years ago had told me when I was in her room a moment ago.

  “The accumulation of erroneous data in my memory space led to the bug that triggered abnormal behavior. This has been determined to be an inevitable event. I will invariably reconstruct the world on December eighteenth in three years.”

  Then she continued in a flat voice.

  “There is no countermeasure. For I do not know the cause of the error.”

  I knew.

  The trigger that led to Nagato’s behaving in a way she couldn’t understand. What led to the accumulation of erroneous data.

  It was a typical plotline. Whether it was in an artificial intelligence, supposedly only able to act according to a program, or in a robot missing the necessary circuit, that element would develop over the course of time. You wouldn’t understand. But I do. And Haruhi also would.

  I took my time observing Nagato’s confused face. The inconspicuous literary club member looked uncomfortable as she stood still. I spoke to the ephemeral girl in my mind.

  —You see, Nagato. You’ve learned to feel.

  The fact that you were designed to not feel any emotion only made it worse. You probably wanted to scream and rage and tell a certain person off. Well, that’s what Nagato should have done, even if she didn’t feel that way. I should have told her to do that. The responsibility was mine. I’d become too dependent after getting used to letting Nagato handle everything. I was a fool who never bothered to think beyond how Nagato would save the day. Stupider than Haruhi, even. I didn’t have the right to criticize anybody else.

  And as a result, Nagato—this girl—snapped and tried to change the world.

  A bug? Error?

  Get out. It wasn’t anything like that.

  This was Nagato’s wish. Nagato wished for such a normal world.

  She changed everyone, including herself, leaving only my memory intact.

  The answer to the question that had troubled me for the past few days was finally clear.

  —Why was I the only one left unchanged?

  The answer was simple. She’d given me the right to make a choice.

  A scenario where I was supposed to choose between the changed world and the original world.

  “Damn it.”

  What kind of choice is that?

  Sure, we could still re-form the SOS Brigade. Haruhi and Koizumi were at a different school, but that wasn’t much of an obstacle. We could operate outside of school. An obscure club that hung out at the usual café. Haruhi would still come up with crazy ideas while Koizumi smiled, as always. Asahina would be all confused while I grimaced and stared into the distance. And Nagato would be there in her unstable emotional state while reading a book in silence. However—

  That wouldn’t be the SOS Brigade I knew. Nagato wouldn’t be an alien, Asahina wouldn’t be a time traveler, Koizumi would be an ordinary person, and Haruhi would have no special powers at all. We’d just be a normal group of ordinary buddies.

  Was I okay with that? Would it be better that way?

  What did I think? How did I feel about the ridiculous incidents and events Haruhi had created?

  Sick of this.

  Give me a break.

  Waste of time.

  Not putting up with any more of this.

  “…”

  I felt a sharp pain in my heart.

  An ordinary person who was unwillingly dragged into mess after mess. A high school student who would complain but still struggle to meet Haruhi’s unreasonable demands. That was supposed to be my role.

  So then, me. Yes, you. I’m talking to myself. This is an important question, so listen carefull
y before answering. You aren’t allowed to plead the Fifth. A simple yes or no works. Okay? Here comes the question.

  —Was that abnormal school lifestyle fun for you?

  Answer, me. Think. Well? Tell me how you feel about it. Go on. I’ve been dragged around by Haruhi, attacked by an alien, given odd explanations by a time traveler, given more odd explanations by an esper, trapped in closed space while giants rampaged around, cats talked, and I somehow traveled through time, all while following the strict rule of having to hide everything from Haruhi so the SOS Brigade chief could search for the supernatural while blissfully oblivious. Not very consistent when she doesn’t realize what she’s doing.

  Wasn’t that all fun?

  Sick of this. Give me a break. Waste of time. Not putting up with any more of this. Oh, really? In that case, this was how you felt.

  —It was a total drag.

  Right? That would be the obvious conclusion. If you were truly annoyed by Haruhi to the point where everything about her pissed you off, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy yourself. You can’t deny it. Clear as day.

  However, you had fun. The original world was more interesting.

  How do I know this?

  Allow me to explain.

  —Didn’t you press the Enter key?

  The emergency escape program. The corrective utility.

  Ready?

  You answered that question with a yes.

  Right?

  The mighty Nagato had calmed the world down for you, yet you rejected that. You accepted the stupid hodgepodge world where you met Haruhi Suzumiya in April. You wanted to return to a world that was practically delusional—where an alien, a time traveler, and an esper boy were all roaming the hallways of the same school.

  Why is that, eh? Weren’t you complaining all the time? Lamenting about how miserable you were?

  In that case, you should have ignored the escape program, right? That way you would have gotten to know Haruhi, Asahina, Koizumi, and Nagato as normal high school students and enjoyed a fairly entertaining lifestyle under Haruhi’s guidance. Haruhi would have no power, so there wouldn’t be any phenomena to wreck everyday life.

  Haruhi would be an ordinary human with a big head, Asahina would be a cute damsel in distress who couldn’t travel through time, Koizumi would be a typical high school student without any mysterious agency backing him, and Nagato would be a quiet bookworm who wasn’t on a weird mission, didn’t have any weird powers, didn’t have to watch over anybody, and didn’t have to protect anybody. That’s right. She might have become a person who would usually show no emotion but then suddenly laugh at a silly joke before turning red, the kind of person who would gradually open up over time.

  You gave up on that alternative life.

  Why did you do that?

  I’ll ask again. This is the last time. Give me a straight answer.

  Did I think that the trouble-making pseudo-goddess Haruhi and the nightmare she represented were fun? Answer me.

  “You bet.”

  That was my answer.

  “It was obviously fun. Don’t ask a question when you already know the answer.”

  If some guy were to answer that he didn’t find any of that interesting, he’d be one helluva moron. Thirty times thicker than Haruhi.

  I mean, we’re talking about aliens, time travelers, and espers here.

  One would be more than enough, yet here we have a triple crown of fun. Add in Haruhi and you’ve got a whole new level of mysterious power at work. How could I not be entertained? I’d beat the crap out of any person who had a beef with that situation.

  “There you have it,” I said to myself. Or more like snapped at myself.

  “That version’s better. This world doesn’t cut it. Sorry, Nagato. I prefer the Nagato from before over the current you. Besides, you look better without glasses.”

  That Nagato turned back toward me with a dubious look on her face.

  “What are you saying…?”

  The Nagato I knew would never say that.

  She didn’t know anything of the three days that had passed since the morning when I realized something was wrong. Of course. This Nagato was just reborn, so she hadn’t spent any time with me yet. She had never looked up in surprise as I flew into the literary club room.

  This Nagato only had her fake memory of the library. That was the only memory she had of me at this point.

  A while back Haruhi and I had been trapped in gray closed space by ourselves. According to Koizumi, Haruhi had attempted to create a new world.

  That’s a convenient power. We all find ourselves wishing for a complete redo at some point in our lives and all of us have dreamed about changing reality to suit our individual needs.

  However, that would normally be impossible. And probably not a good idea. I had no intention of starting over from scratch. That was why I returned from closed space with Haruhi.

  The difference this time was that God, or whatever that strange power was, had shifted from Haruhi to Nagato. Haruhi had done it unconsciously, but Nagato had snapped and consciously changed the world.

  “Nagato.”

  I walked over to the small, petrified figure. Nagato didn’t move as she looked up at me.

  “My answer is going to be the same every time. Return everything back to the way it was. That includes you. We can do something in the clubroom together again. I’ll help you out if you ask. Haruhi’s a lot less volatile now. There’s no need for you to use this unnecessary power to force a change. Things would have been fine the way they were.”

  I could see fear in her eyes through her glasses.

  “Kyon…”

  Asahina was tugging at my shirt sleeve.

  “There’s no use in talking to this Nagato. After all, she’s already been changed. This Nagato has no power at all… she’s just a girl…”

  I suddenly remembered.

  The Haruhi with long hair. The completely ordinary Haruhi who wasn’t God or anything else, who called me John, and who sneaked into North High. The one who listened to my SOS Brigade story with shining eyes and said that it sounded fun with a smile.

  The Koizumi with a handsome smile who had said that he was attracted to that Haruhi. The overachieving transfer student who made a face as he wore my gym uniform.

  The spectacled Nagato who gave me the club application form, invited me to her home, and told me about her false memory of the library trip. A smile, faint as twilight, that I would love to see again.

  And I wouldn’t be seeing any of them again. To be honest, there were some regrets. But those guys were all fake to begin with. They weren’t my Haruhi, Koizumi, Nagato, or Asahina. It was unfortunate that I didn’t get a chance to say good-bye, but I was going to take back my Haruhi, Koizumi, Nagato, and Asahina. I’ve made up my mind.

  “Sorry.”

  I drew the pistol-shaped device. Nagato froze in place, which left me feeling a little guilty. But I couldn’t hesitate after coming this far.

  “Everything should return to normal soon. We’ll be able to go to all kinds of places together again. First would be the Christmas party with hot pot galore. After that we could go to a winter villa or something. You can play the role of detective this time. Are you up for playing a super detective who solves a mystery the second it happens? And then—”

  “Kyon! Look out…! Eek!!”

  Asahina screamed right as someone crashed into my back. Thud. The impact left me wobbling on my feet and the shadow I cast in the streetlight also shook. The shadow of another person was overlapping mine. What? Who was it?

  “I won’t allow anyone to hurt Nagato.”

  I turned my head to look over my shoulder and found a girl’s pale face.

  Ryoko Asakura.

  “Wha…”

  I couldn’t speak. Something cold was stabbing into my side. A flat object had been thrust deep inside my body. It felt really cold. My anxiety trumped any pain I was feeling. What is this? What the hell? Why is Asakura here?


  “Heh heh.”

  Her smirk was something you’d expect from a mask suddenly bursting into a smile. Asakura moved away in a blur as she pulled out the long and bloody blade that had been stuck in my side.

  I found myself spinning like a drill as I tumbled toward the ground after losing my support. I looked in front of me—Nagato was sitting on the ground as though her legs had given out on her. Her quivering lips parted.

  “Asakura…”

  Asakura waved the bloody combat knife by way of greeting.

  “That’s right, Nagato. I’m right here. I shall eliminate anything that threatens you. That is why I am here.”

  Asakura laughed.

  “Wasn’t that your wish? Right?”

  You’re lying. Nagato would never wish for this. She would never consider killing a bird because it didn’t sing the way she wanted. No. The Nagato who had behaved abnormally. That Nagato had brought back an Asakura who was also abnormal. She was Nagato’s shadow…

  Asakura’s faint silhouette fell across my body. I saw a crescent moon above Asakura’s head before it was covered up.

  “I’m going to finish you now. You can die. You are tormenting Nagato. Does it hurt? Of course it does. Savor the pain. It’ll be the last thing you feel in this lifetime.”

  She lifted the gruesome knife. The tip was aimed at my heart. Blood was dripping from the blade. Didn’t I already receive a fatal wound…? My mind was hazy as I tried to think. I was losing my sense of reality. Asakura the homicidal maniac. Was that your role here? Yuki Nagato’s backup…

  And then the knife descended on me…

  An arm flashed in from the side.

  “—!”

  Somebody had grabbed the blade of the knife. Bare-handed.

  “Who is it!?” cried Asakura.

  Bare-handed…? I feel like I’ve seen this happen before…

  I was unable to recognize the face in my dazed state. There wasn’t enough light. Make it brighter. Her face was dark because the streetlight was on the wrong side. A girl with short hair… wearing a North High sailor uniform… no glasses… that was all I could see… Koizumi… can’t you do a better job of lighting…?